it's two thousand fucking seven, bitches!

This morning I ordered take out with Brandyn before work. We ate food and watched "Humanzee" from the Science Channel. And yea, it turned out to just be a mutant chimp...whatevs.
my point...
I was putting on my shoes to leave for work (chronically 5 minutes late) and I saw this whispy smoke stuff drifting by the kitchen window. I guess I was staring or something cause B was like "What is wrong with you?"
I asked if he saw the stuff outside the window too and he did. Then we opened the window to see if maybe something was on fire, like the building next door...but it wasn't getting hot in the apartment so we guessed probably no, no fire.
*note: we live in an apartment in the back of the building so our view is a fantastic one of the other surrounding buildings. we are also on the 5th floor.
So, anyway, I leave for work and lo and behold, once I can see the sky, it's obvious...it's fucking fog. Yea. B and I are idiots.

In other news: I'm retardedly in love.

2 + 2 = 5?

I don't know why it took so long for my dumbass to put this equation together.

Why did I start this blog to begin with? Boring job plus idiotic tenants equals hilarious blog.

I may be in a new state and it's not that this job is boring, it's just that well, I really have NO RESPONSIBILITY! It's fanfuckingtastic. The tenants are still idiots but at least I don't have to deal with the ones that already live here. And I have the entertainment of coworkers.

I deleted the previous two posts on my march 2006 crush. He was a jerk. I had almost forgotten that I even had a crush on this guy...whatta fuck he turned out to be.

Anyway...I'm pretty fuckin' tired today. The good times are killing me.

out of control

B and I were going to walk to the Brooklyn Bridge. Before we got there the city kind of ended. The shore around the bridge was brittle with dry grass and prickly briars and a few low boarded up buildings. The sky was gray and the day chilly. I was wearing jeans and a charcoal gray hooded sweatshirt a couple sizes too big and gray sneakers. I was thinking that this was not something I usually wore and almost wanted to go home and change. Brooklyn was visible in the distance. For some reason, it appeared to have an empty shore and sandy dunes. The shadows of amusement park rides, their lights flashing, were clustered around a small tip of the shore. Although the screams and laughter were audible on the breeze, I had ne feeling of longing to join the festivities. We were making our way to the top of some stairs that led down to the bridge. I had removed my shoes and B said "careful, they're pokey," about the tall dried knots of grass along the edge of the shore. I stepped squarely in the middle of one and looked over the side. The enormous fall made me dizzy. However there was a breaker of some sort, I supposed it was to stop people from falling, but I still felt sick to my stomach and unable to go on. I climbed through the railing and onto the stairs. They were supposed to lead down to the bridge's beginning, but in front of me they didn't seem to continue. I sat down on the stairs with my shoes beside me. In front of me water dropped off the negative edge of the seemingly endless cliff. Somehow, a tide was surging and the water surrounded me as though I were on a tiny island consisting of 3 steps and the handrail. Occasionally the water would hit me. B kept asking me if I was alright, but I couldn't shake my dizzy nauseated feeling. I was also shaking badly. B asked if I was going or not, and although I could not see him I answered. I said I had just gotten wet and raised a half-soaked arm. He said we would go and change. I was trying to climb up the embankmet and through the railing. I was having a hard time and I had left my shoes by the stairs. B said they didn't matter. But I asked him to bring them to me. I noticed something fall out of my pocket and it was a metal one hitter, the kind shaped like a cigarette, but this one was painted like a rolled up dollar bill. It made a clanking noise as it fell striking the metal bars of the railing. I climbed down the progress I had made and grabbed the pipe. As I was returning to my climb I saw a small overhang sheilding a burned glass crack pipe and some other brown pipe-looking thing that I referred to in my mind as a hippy pipe. The "hippy pipe" had a U-shaped protrusion that had a small flame on the end. And I thought to myself, someone was just here, and they were smoking crack. I could see the rock in the bowl of the pipe. Then I noticed a large black lumpy looking thing just underneath the rails where I was climbing. It was battered and beaten looking. I had the sinking feeling that there was a person concealed under those black folds. The brim of the black tattered cowboyish hat lifted and I face, I could not tell if it was black or white because it was so dirty and caked with grime, looked back at me. Wordlessely, he parted his lips in a grimace of a smile. He had no teeth and his eyes were nothing but empty black holes.

Because Inquiring Minds Want To Know

you know you're overdue for some love!!

It's 9:24 in the am.
I woke up this morning to metal and Brandyn saying, "this is the best christian band ever."
okaaayyy
and I am going to Boston tomorrow to see my Dad while he is there
so I thought maybe clean clothes that don't smell like a bar were in order
I gathered my laundry and ran it to the Chino across the street
and
as I was on my way there, in the stairwell downstairs was a package with MY NAME on it!
I smoked a cigarette
retrieved the package
and TADA it was my Steve Madden boots, ordered over a month ago!
They rock.
I am wearing them right now. in my undies and a hoodie.
It's pretty hot.
Watching the Today show.
One project to finish, and one test to go and this week is O V E R
and
I gotta date with the Rob Lowe lookalike tonight, he's buying the drinks!
Score.

idiocracy

5:30 am....drunk chatting and watching synchronized TV (Score...with Ryan Cabrera)
BiGGGcheese = Linds
mshotnessherself = me

BiGGGcheese: P(
BiGGGcheese: that was supposed to be a frown
mshotnessherself: I know
mshotnessherself: I canyt type rright now , luaghing
BiGGGcheese: he was wearing an eyepatch! ahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: i keep puttin gmy hands on the wrong keys...and typing the stupidest shit
mshotnessherself: who I wasn't looking?
BiGGGcheese: P)
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: hehehehahha
mshotnessherself: og o lrrr[ truomnh
BiGGGcheese: omg
mshotnessherself: hahahha
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: stupid home row typing in the dark bullshit
BiGGGcheese: i agree
BiGGGcheese: i had so many issues i had to turn the lamp on
BiGGGcheese: i'm not so sure how good it's doing
mshotnessherself: I should..I really should
BiGGGcheese: you should turn off the tv
BiGGGcheese: this is garbage
mshotnessherself: I am not even watching...
mshotnessherself: 'u cannda
mshotnessherself: what the fuck?
mshotnessherself: seriously can I type tonight?
mshotnessherself: I was trying to sya...I can hear it though...it's shit
BiGGGcheese: oh i'm def not watchin but i can hear it and it's AWFUL

one more time...

guess who has WAY too much time on her hands...and photoshop...
check out me and Ryan Cabrera!

biggest nerd ever!

All Play and No School Makes LinC a NERD! (to the max)
I have been watching so much crappy daytime television, I think I am seriously losing my mind.
Just today, I have watched babies be born, a trucker get a makeover, Rachel Ray cook a tasty meal in just 30 minutes, a nerd be made into a cheerleader, and now...
the show on MTV hosted by (my favorite) Ryan Cabrera! called Score.
yes, yes, slowly but surely my mind is rotting away.
but I tell you, it's not my fault. I got up early today to deliver my paperwork to the hospital, and when I called to make sure the lady was there, she wasn't...
she won't be back until tomorrow...which means I have to get up early and do this all over again. Plus a Brazilian. Ouch!

best picture EVER

now, and only now, life makes sense

I have three words...I FUCKING GET IT!

All day today, it has sounded like there was someone in my hall closet banging on pipes. I mean obviously there was no one in my closet, but apparently somewhere in the building.

Then, about 10 minutes ago, I started to smell this kinda warm (kitchen oven type warm) smell.

And this smell is in my apartment, though I am not currently cooking anything.

Of course, today with the rain and sub-55 degree weather, it feels like mid-winter to me. Yea, I know when real winter comes, I'm gonna get it.

So, this pipe thingie in the corner of my apartment. By the window to the fire escape. I had been warned previously that it would get so very hot, that in December I would be sporting open windows...and yea, that's what it is. That pipe...it's getting warm.

I just felt it.

Why I love Ms. Reagan and Myself more than anyone!

SCENE: I filled out some dumb survey, which then caused Linds to fill out the same damn survey. One of the questions was who's your current best friend...and this is a segment from our AIM conversation about said survey
(BiGGGcheese = Linds)
(mshotnessherself = me)

mshotnessherself: I like how you don't have mike in your best friends....
mshotnessherself: did he see me type that?
mshotnessherself: asdf
mshotnessherself: sdasd
mshotnessherself: f
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAHHAHA
mshotnessherself: I am such a choad...
BiGGGcheese: omg that cracked me the fuck up
BiGGGcheese: ajskljf
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAAH
mshotnessherself: me too I ca' t breathe right now
mshotnessherself: I was trying to get it off the screen
mshotnessherself: it made sense at the time
BiGGGcheese: i know that's why it's cracking me up
mshotnessherself: I am crying I am laughing so hard
BiGGGcheese: i get it i just imagine you panicking and hitting buttons
BiGGGcheese: me too omg
mshotnessherself: yea and i can tell you that exactly how you see it in your head is exactly how it happened here
BiGGGcheese: i wasn't even that bad of a thing to say
mshotnessherself: I know!
BiGGGcheese: ok tears.
BiGGGcheese: jesus.

random goodness

• I worked on my painting tonight. It's been 10 months at least since I last touched it.
• I drank a whole bottle (big 'un) of grape juice and it was grapey.
• I was cuddling my little cat and the big cat was giving me the death look.
• My TA didn't show up to my MassCom discussion class today.
• I don't have school until Monday.
• I am aiming with my best friend right now...and again...now.
• I am going to be a sexy pirate for Halloween.
• I already have my costume stuff.
• Arrrgghhh Matey!

gunna do it, doit doit.

So, in my previous post, I was skeptical about medical school...not no mo'
I made up my mind to just do it. I wanna have a good life and a job I love and really yes, yes I am a science nerd. Discovery Health is one of my favorite channels. Right after the Food Network...so according to my television preferences, I am going to be a fat doctor. Better than Kirstie Alley though, yes?
I got a volunteer position at a nearby cancer center. Heh. I am going to be working in "discharge management"
hahahahahahhah...okay so not only am I going to be a fat doctor, I am going to be a fat nerdy doctor to whom life is still nothing but dick and fart jokes.
In all, I am pretty darn excited about life right now. I love NYC. I really like my school, and probably will more so when I am actually in classes that I want to take.
In other exciting news, my B gets back on Saturday. I can't wait!! He's been gone far far far too long. I don't like living alone. I want my roommate back.
Almost WELCOME HOME DONG!

I almost forgot about this place!

Soooooooooooo.....
I officially made it out of Arizona, well that was some time ago and have now officially settled into life in NYC.

And by officially settled I mean, I started school Monday, but up until then I acted as though this was just one big vacation with my own apartment included. So. No job.

I had a thought today that I might like to go to medical school. But I hate sick people, and old people, and hospitals, and blood, and dead people...yes, especially dead people. But I kinda wanna be a psychiatrist. I do like sick-in-the-head people. But that means I have to deal with dead people. At least once in my medical school career. Medical school would be a nice for the family to talk about way to stay in school and thus avoid getting another crappy job for a much longer amount of time than I was considering when I first moved out here to go back to school. It just might do.

So I guess there is a lot to talk about, but I kinda really don't want to now. I am gonna try and keep this thing up again, but it really does get hard when you're actually doing things with your day and not bored at a crappy job.

Te amo.

blisters suck....suck hard

Back in May, on the 21st, I got a blister. It's cause: a pair of new shoes from New York that were undeniably cute until they took chunks out of my poor little feet.
It is now June 9th. Not only do I still have this blister, but it is worse. I haven't been able to wear real shoes in weeks....weeks! Today at work, I noticed a very icky substance doing something that could be described only as "ooooozing" from the wound.
This caused me to go in the back office, raid the first aid kit, and perform minor emergency surgery.
Needless to say, this was to the dismay of my boss and fellow co-workers. I mean doesn't everyone LOVE the Discovery Health Channel as much as I? Not the case.
So now, it is mere hours after my astounding surgical performance, and not only does the blister hurt, but my whole leg hurts now. In fact, it hurts so bad I can barely walk. This caused my hypochondriac self to go searching on WebMD for all sorts of horrible ailments I could come down with due to unsanitary surgery with a saftey pin and alcohol wipes.
It turns out, that a popped blister that becomes infected can lead to a staph infection. And a staph infection can turn into gangrene. And gangrene can cause real doctors to amputate your leg.
So I am going to be legless soon. This is very disturbing to me as I just recently signed the lease on my new apartment in Manhattan. And it is a third floor walk up. If I only have one leg, this could be very bad.
I want my leg back...
in fact I think that the infection has infected my brain because I am feeling rather delirious.

Worst Blogger Ever

That would be me....being as that it is already June.

Here's the quick recap:
1. April = so long ago I don't remeber
2. May = got my apartment in NYC and subsequently mad at B for not making up his mind before I got it. And our roommate moved out, taking with her my handpainted Italian shoes and my rockin' Pirates Arrrrrgh Cool teeshirt. And I went to Vegas with my kickass new coworker. And left my sunglasses. And got really drunk with British doctors.
3. June = happening right now, so here's the most info.

I still haven't packed...a...thing...
I am moving on the 24th.
I have to work until the 20th.
I have an entire garage to clean out in addition to the apartment.
My cats are getting sedatives.
I should probably get sedatives.
I have to spend 5 days in a mini-van with my mother and the two cats.
I am super tired right now and therefore end this post before it gets any more boring.

Last Thought:
It always seems like a good idea to see how hard you can hit and get hit by your girlfriends. At 2am outside the bar....
....the next day, not so much.

best week ever!

It came today! My acceptance letter from Hunter College. What, you may ask, is Hunter College? And I would answer...a fabulous part of the City Univerity of New York. That's right. In Manhattan. I will be moving there this July.
How I am feeling right now:

• excited...to move to New York
• nervous...about leaving Arizona
• terrified...of cleaning out my storage garage
• sad...about leaving everyone I love here
• intimidated...by trying to move two cats across the country
• overwhelmed...by all there is to do between now and July
• but mostly...
• ABSOFUCKINLUTELY STOKED! I'm moving to New York Bitches!

In other good news...

My cousin is coming this weekend to visit me. The first person other than my parents to visit me in the six years I have lived here. I love her forever for it. I already have a marvelous weekend planned for us. The PV tomorrow night upon her arrival (yessss...they have Journey on the jukebox). Friday night at the Hot Stink...er Pink. Saturday = biking for beers if we can find enough extra bikes. And Sunday before she leaves there is an option to either hike with the Sunday Hiking Crew or drink beer with the Spunday picnic....we shall see how Saturday night leaves us.

In other news...

The j0b...still sucks, but I feel as though I have new life for it since I konw for a fact it is not permanent. I have hope on my horizon. But since my boss is being an evil bitch lately, it stilll might be harder than I am thinking. We have a "meeting" tomorrow and apparently shit is going to go down. *hope for the best*

Snottsdale

In every city, there is that part of town that is the height of current fashion, hairstyles, and plastic surgery. Here, that is Scottsdale. In Scottsdale, the ladies are all blonde, extra thin, scantily clad, and very well endowed chesticularly. What is great about Scottsdale is that these "women" (if you will) are always more than willing to show you their plastic features for a few awe-stricken "wow"s. Now, fellas don't get too excited as these occurances usually happen within the confines of the ladies' room. Feeling validated is the key. It's okay if I paid six grand for these...as long as the other women like them!
However, in Scottsdale, your six grand worth of boobies can potentially pay off in just one single evening!
"How?" you may ask.
Because a Michelob Ultra, in Scottsdale, is worth approximately 6 bucks.
This therefore makes any decent martini worth at least $11.
And I, although not up to Scottsdale chesty par, can put away at least 5 martinis and a few beers on a good night.
Which leads me to believe that these top-heavy women can do just the same, if not more, damage.
I am tired now, and not willing to do the math, but as you can probably calculate for yourself, it adds up quickly. Plus a tip. And you are well on your way to earning back those thousands, because obviously, with knockers like that, you are NOT paying for your own drinks.
I heart Scottsdale.

the VERY strange dream

So. I just woke up and I woke up from the strangest dream. I got dropped off by a private jet, which was a huge bonus since we thought we were taking a bus. But I was the only one dropped off. And it was on this wooden platform floating above a huge expanse of ocean. I could see shoreline ahead and somehow knew it was the Cayman Islands. I was on my way there to get married, but now I was stuck on this platform above the ocean. I was too scared to jump because it looked so high. Then my future husband, who had this long brown hair walked by on the water (Jesus reference anyone?) and I didn't want him to get away so I jumped. The water was amazingly warm and I swam all the way to the islands without any trouble. We got to the shore and I was worried about my hair because of the salt water. We went to an outdoor salon where some girls were getting their nails done. They had a sampler tray of Aveda products made especially for salt water, but no store on the island actually sold Aveda products. My desicison was to take some of the sample product and run for the shower. Then I woke up.

tattoosday!

here they are...in all their glory. I just want to say that these turned out even better than I was hoping they would. Everything I wanted done with such artistic precision. Simply perfect.
1. the establishing shot

2. the close ups

oh so...you know!

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have had writer's block all month.
And in fact...I am sure great, interesting, and fun things have happened...so let's try a recap.

New Year's Eve

• 4 people
• 1 bottle of vodka
• "I want to juggle your balls in my mouth!" screamed from the cab windows to passers-by
• Search line to get in
• Choads and toads of all sorts milling around
• Missy's striptease dance outside Uno's
• $5 Coors light tall cans
• Astounding lines for the port-a-potties
• Fog. In Phoenix. At 7am January 1, 2005.

Missy's Birthday (1.11.05)

• Turning 24
• Dirty Verde
• Sleepy Missy
• Everyone else parties until 4am or so.

In unrealted social news. I have found the love of my life. There is just one difference we need to surpass. He is wonderful in every way. Dresses well, has a nice house, mostly vegetarian, kindest person I have ever met, and downright gorgeous. If you have guessed the problem already...10 points! And he gave me Tiffany's for my birthday. (Don't tell anyone it was a regift! shhhhh) I will treasure it always. Okay. So you know who you are, and a bet other people know who you are too. And I know you realize that all this is typed to stroke your precious ego. I adore you and I do wish you were my gay boyfriend! *sigh*

In unrelated musical news. I am listening to Social Distortion.

And now, for the most exciting part of this post! MY BIRTHDAY!

January 18. (It's tomorrow. I know.)

This package came in the mail from my parents. It arrived on Wednesday of last week. It stated explicitly on the box..."Do not open until January 18, 2005." This kills me. It is like one of those "Do not touch" signs that just makes you touch whatever it is that is not supposed to be touched...just to see what happens. And the same fate was going to befall this present..."Wait until my birthday," I scoffed to myself. "Haha I laugh in the face of your sharpie commands!" And then something happened to distract me. And then something else apparently removed me from my apartment. And when I returned. A pile of laundry was where the package once was. Aside: In fact, the laundry (which was mine) was just covering the package. And being that I have the memory of a goldfish, the package was long forgotten. Today, it has been a week since said pile of laundry covered the package. And today, that same pile of laundry remains covering the package. But, I know it is there now, since I unearthed it trying to remove a jacket from the tangle of clothes. It is on my mind obsessively. If the above paragraph didnt' give you that idea, just know that I am thinking about that package right now. And now. And...yup still thinking about it. I keep thinking that since a certain someone known as my roommate ditched me for another certain someone known as her ex-boyfriend, that I should just open it now out of sympathy for myself. But, then, I do not pity party. We'll see if I make it to midnight. If anyone wants to come down and take me to the bar...alcohol killed the curiosity. Or whatever it is that they say.

And tomorrow. It's Tattoosday! Hooray for xanax and painkillers because 2 hours of sitting is torture for me. Many props to Brandyn for being up for 5 hours...you are a super trooper! Thanks for all the fun. XOXO.

red team go!

Today. Since it's been a while, I have two stories.

1. The Team Hat Party
Jamie and I wanted fedoras, because we are the pimp! Our manager and maintenance staff wanted hats from the local university, boring. Then our regional manager gave us $10 whole bucks each to get matching hats and told us we could close the office and hit up the mall. Which we did. The day before the party. And we came out with, cammo trucker hats. Because we are the few, and the proud, and God forbid anyone else stick it out working at our property. We came in like fourth or something. Not even because of the hats, oh no, but because someone (not me) thought it would be a fab idea for us all to do an army-style cheer as we paraded our hatted heads around the party room. In addition to this self-depricating act, at the beginning of the awards ceremony, we also had to to a cheer for sigh our company...how great it is. Like those people at the top actually care that I am there leasing their crummy apartments so the owners are happy...whatever. In good party related news, there was an open bar. And the drinks were strong. So by the time I had been there three hours...well let's just say the hats weren't lookin' so bad.

2. My trip to visit my best friend Lindsay!
I got in late on Sunday night. There was potential for going out, but having worked all day and flown (which gives me anxiety) I was not really up for going out. So we crashed. And I got to spoon. *blush* Monday, we had fabulous fried tofu at this crazy little restaurant in this crazy big chinatown building with the fabulous boys (they know who they are). And we went to the Asian market afterword. And they sold strange things, like any Asian market really, but for some reason, today it seemed worse. I think the dried itty-bitty fish in a baggie is what did it for me. Then we were kinda lazy and stuff, like always, and sometime much later in the evening (after a few shots, okay a lot of shots) we were motivated to actually go out. And we went to the gay-ville. And this bar that is named something I can't remember. And I can't remember because I got so stinking drunk. It was grand. Either I knocked Linds down, or she knocked me down, but we fell. And she has battle wounds (my little peach). And I puked in the bathroom. Ahhh, no trip is complete without me making a drunk ass out of myself. And Tuesday I was hungover, and so was Linds. And we went to the mall, the one we always went to in grade school and high school. And it was very nostalgic since we had a group of like 6 people or so. I kept thinking I was going to have to call my mom for a ride...and then I remembered we are all WELL over the age of 16 and therfore very much capable of driving ourselves. Tuesday night dancing at the Copa. Tons of fun, much like my favorite local Hot Pink, but different music. Wednesday we watched movies all day and had a relaxing girly time. And then Thursday was the traditional lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant and off to the airport.
It was much too short I tell you.

p.s. In other good news. My friend Amber from Portland is coming in town TONIGHT!

good things come to those who spend...

I went shopping today...hooray! At the Gap. I heart the Gap. My anonymous friend gave me a30% friends and family discount card...for the whole weekend! I can go back tomorrow...not that I will, but I could. This helps relieve some of the anxiety I am experiencing about this stupid holiday work party. I thought maybe I could just get out of going, but apparently if I do that, I have to stay by myself and keep the office open. fuck. that.
And it is a week from today. And we still haven't decided what kind of stupid hats will best represent our team. Heh. I still want fedoras. But as they say, 'there is no I in TEAM'
...
but
...
there is an M...and an E...for ME. not you.

So, I could have a relaxing night at home. No, I am going to the Hot Pink. "Lots of drinking, lots of dancing, lots of making out!"
I do have to celebrate my dear Linds' birthday, even though I can't be with her today. Baby, my heart is.
I will make out with someone for you tonight!

Stay tuned.

for. ever.

since I last posted...due to no internet usage at work.
that it took this page to load.
since I have actually remembered a chiro appointment without missing it and getting the angry phone call
since I ran out of codeine cough syrup *hack hack*
amount of time it took Jamie's pictures to upload to yahoo.

ahhh...what's the use...without the internet at work I forget what I am bitching about. I leave the cave, come home to my nice cozy apartment, and *poof* memory gone. I guess I could call this a good thing, because if I could accurately remember the horrors of work from day to day you can bet your ass, sister, that I would never go back.
In other news, it is fucking cold here. This is the desert damnit...I moved here to get away from frostbite, gangrene, and other horrendous damaging effects of winter. We had a freeze warning last night. It isn't even getting this cold in San Francisco...why oh why am I not there? *sigh*

blog=neglected
lindsay=cold
december 12=linday+lindsay=love
december 20=mom+dad+staying in my house=*sigh*cleaning and no smoking. and. stress due to aforementioned conditions.
july 2005=move to NYC.

wow! that just went from pessimistic drivel to my goals for the year...and it's not even new years eve yet! Yea way to be ahead of things, me!

In more work related news. We are having a company Christmas (er. Holiday) party.
It is from 3-6pm...
the good news - we get to close the office early.
the bad news - it is a themed party
and the theme is "crazy hats"
and each property team must think up a hat theme that best represents their team.
My idea is to wear fedoras and a lotta bling bling. yea, that's about right.
oohh and the kicker...we are not allowed to bring friends or significant others, or even insignificant others. no one. just me and the people I already see 9 or so hours a day.

eehhh...I am off to buy my fedora.

Because You're Worth It!

Work. Filing = done. Phone calls = none. Package room = organized.
Lindsay = Productive.

Today some group has rented out our clubhouse. I got solicited to go. Fortunately, I have to be at work. Right across from the clubhouse. So they gave me a flier and asked me to pop my head in with any questions.
The front of the flier reads: "Because You're Worth It!" (of course I am worth more than anything but...reading on.)
Inside, on the left, there is a small map directing people to the clubhouse that is directly across from my work.
The right side reads:

Turn your body into a fat fighting machine.

Erase years from your face.

Protect yourself from life-threatening health problems

and daily discomfort.

Come and see!

RELIV It will change your life.

Apparently this pill does goddamned everything. I want to lose weight, without exercising. I want years off my face, so that I get carded for 'R' rated movies again...(oh wait that still happens now). Fuck it, I want to look prepubescent again. So, fat fighting...check. Looking younger...check. Now, life threatening health problems and daily discomfort...if it cures a hangover it's good enough for me!

I really feel as though I am missing something important. heh. not really.

in the air, on the plane, going home

I get the Anxiety when I fly. Yesterday I was on the plane and I made a new hobby. Harrassing the man next to me, who is trying to work on his laptop, as though I have the mental capacity of a six year old.
Scene 1: (man=M me=L)
[man typing on laptop. from my seat it looks like work.]
L: whatcha doin?
M: working.
L: oh. (long pause) what do you do?
M: [some] restaurant management [thing or another]
(editor's note: I would give more direct quote but honestly I didn't care and wasn't really listening)
L: is that important?
M: to some people.
At this point, I get bored and fall asleep for roughly an hour.
[plane is landing. landing is bumpy due to rainy weather.]
L:don't you think you should put that away? [referring to laptop]
M: I have to save this first.
[man puts away laptop. pulls out tic tacs]
L: can I have a tic tac?
[man gives me tic tac.]
L: thanks.
I proceed to ignore man and stare out the window, making sure my head is blocking any view he might have. I stay this way until we land. Man lets me get out of the aisle first.

Score: Lindsay-1 Man-0
booyakasha! respeck!

'Cause you gotta have faith...

And apparently I had too much of it in the American people.

I was truly under the impression that Senator Kerry would take this presidential election. Not by a landslide or anything, but I really figured the American people would be sick of being hated by the rest of the world. Hated for a man who is blinded by his oil obession and ties to the industrialism of war. A man who, even in the face of missing WMD's, refused to even consider the possibility that he was wrong. I could go on and on, about how the world is not just black and white, about how Iraqis are people too, with lives, families, and children. And under our guise of "freeing the Iraqi people" we are destroying them. But, I won't. It just upsets me and causes unnecessary stress.

So, my fellow Americans, I welcome you to another four years of lies, deception, terror, and war. Support our troops...vote for the man who will keep them overseas. Thank you. And to you Mr. Bush. Congratulations on winning your first election.

Vote or DIE

We had the polling station in the Clubhouse at my work today. I shit you not...over 2000 people went through. I left work at 6:30 and the line was about 3 hours long.
I personally waited 2 and a half hours. It should be vote and die (of ennui while waiting in line.)
But I made my voice heard, which means if this election doesn't go MY way, I can still bitch royally over the next 4 years. No vote. No voice.

So this whole polling station at my work today. It meant no actual work got done. In the morning we had muffins and coffee...the brilliants in line waiting to vote would ask us..."is that for us?" No fuckwad. The four of us that work here are going to eat over 200 mini muffins and drink over 60 cups of coffee.

For lunch. Pizza. 20 of the suckers and we had to pass the bitches out. But during the day people were grateful. They loved us for our soda pop, and water, and the pizza. But. By 5:30 or so, when we are trying to close up the office, they are banging on our doors, demanding coffee, trail mix, anything we had left. Not to mention when we had to tell them that if they parked in our reserved parking they would be towed. That was the real crowd pleaser. In all, a good day. Now I am hopelessly addicted to CNN. In fact, I can hear them talking now. I. Must. Go. Watch.

play with my dingaling

Today at work the doorbell was possessed. It would ding, just once, not the full ding, on average...every 5 fucking minutes! I almost went insane.

In the good news department:

• I found not one, but TWO full diet cokes on the ground.
• I did not drink them.
• I am rather suspicious they might be poisoned...
• Soap will probably cure this.

It's my Friday night and I am ready to party. Supersonic styles!

The Spider

Someone actually came into the office today. And it wasn't the resident who takes the better part of half of our candy jar.

He came in to rent an apartment, kindly sent in our direction by a sister property. Nothing out of the ordinary, I am sitting at my desk telling him about the specials, features of the apartment, and amenities of the community. And. I see it. Hanging out there like he was the king of cool. A big hairy scary-looking black spider. Just kicking it on my desk drawer. This drawer is not visible to potential resident but it is very close to me. And since it is now inhabited by a hairy black spider, uncomfortably close to me.

Spiders scare the pants off me. Especially if they are the jumping kind. And this little guy looks suspiciously like the jumping kind.

I totally choke in the middle of my "sales pitch." I almost lose it and run screaming from the room. I can't stop watching this spider out of the fear that if I look away, he will be on me when I look back. By now, with all the stuttering, poor guy renting an apartment home probably thinks I am insane.

I didn't tell him about the spider. I didn't want him to think we were some creepy bug infested apartment community. I swallowed hard, gave the spider a look, and finished my busniess. Even standing up to shake guy's hand and tell him to have a nice day. *At this point in time I am seriously 2 inches from the beast.*

Did I mention that I am uber-proud of myself? And now I am hiding in the back...far...far...away from my desk.

Beer v. Champagne

Beer has it's value. It is cheap, gets you drunk, and usually stupid. Champagne, however, has special bubbles. Not like beer. They make you laugh, and sometimes fall off balconies on New Year's Eve.

I am not feeling the love today. K went home sick with the pregnancy. I've been busy as shit...Fuck I am never happy, eh? I bitch when there's nothing to do, I bitch when there is. But it's not me. It's the dumbasses that have the nerve to invade my office. I love people everyday. Happy face.

In the good news. My parents sent me this killer package from Australia. It was somewhat disappointing that the box did not contain a for real Australian aborigine, however I will live. I suppose. What it did have in it was:

• an incense set. fucking beautiful
• a handmade candle
• a painted box (with real Australian money inside!)

and my favorite

• a wooden bowl that looks like it was pulled straight from the heart of the tree